I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
