did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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