I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
