It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
