ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
