can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
When did angry sex become our thing?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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