I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
