Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
