im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
