can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
