I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Let's paint friendship bongs
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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