i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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