idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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