Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
