I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
