Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
