I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
