I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
