So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
