I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
