Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
