so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
