the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Randomize
