3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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