My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think I sprained my soul last night
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
