so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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