I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
