hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
