bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
