walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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