So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
