Sponge bath it is.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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