I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
