Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
