i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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