You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
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