I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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