Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
