So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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