if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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