Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
