Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
