I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
