I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
