how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
