i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
