I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
