My room smells like vodka and shame
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
