Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
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