I think scott just propositioned me for sex
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
